I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
