You're completely useless in the revolution.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
