woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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