Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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