I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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