didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He passed out mid-signature
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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