someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
