The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
