I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
