you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
