WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
