My cat gives me a boner
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
