I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
