i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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