shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
