We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
