if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
