Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
