I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
