worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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