great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
