Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize