my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize