i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
