Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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