T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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