Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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