Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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