We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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