I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
