I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
