You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
