We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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