Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
