one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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