But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
