awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
