well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize