i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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