OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
