im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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