just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
