Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize