I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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