tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize