Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
