I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
