I got chris browned last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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