I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
