There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
