She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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