all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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