i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
