You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
