you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
