So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
