I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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