haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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