I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
why is half of my head shaved?
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