her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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