so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
