I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
