So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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