i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
