Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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