oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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